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4 Truths All People-Pleasers Need To Know

Hi there! My name is Saisha and I am a recovering people-pleaser who highly values personal growth, authenticity and connection with myself and others! I’ve always been a kind, caring and considerate person and while these are some of my greatest strengths, there was a time in my life when they were my biggest weakness...

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Being a nice person is a beautiful thing, but if it comes at the expense of your own peace of mind and well-being, then that isn’t being very kind, caring or considerate towards yourself. Although this is a lesson I struggled with, it was empowering for me to learn.

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People-pleasers often grow up with the belief that other people’s feelings and emotions are more important than their own. We often think its our job to please everyone and make them happy, so rather than standing up for ourselves and speaking our truth about how we feel when we’re hurt, frustrated, sad or angry, we suppress it because “it’s wrong” to make someone else feel “bad”.

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Truth #1: YOU CANNOT MAKE ANOTHER PERSON FEEL (emotionally) ANYTHING. It is their choice in how they think and feel about a situation.

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TRUTH #2: YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HOW OTHER PEOPLE FEEL. You have zero control over how another person thinks and feels. They are responsible for their own thoughts and emotions, and you are responsible for your own.

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TRUTH #3: YOU ARE ENTITLED TO YOUR EMOTIONS. It isn’t unkind, bad, or wrong for you to tell someone when you’re upset! You’re feeling matter and are just as important as anyone else’s. It’s one thing to kick and scream (not super productive) and it’s another to be calm yet firm.

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TRUTH #4: YOU CAN BE FIRM AND STILL BE NICE! There’s nothing wrong with having healthy boundaries. They set a precedent for what you will and will not tolerate in your relationships. Being kind to yourself isn’t being unkind to others. It teaches people how you want and deserve to be treated.

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I am still a very kind, caring and considerate person, but now I also think of myself. Once I decided to make myself a priority, life became more clear and satisfying! I wonder if you did the same, how might your life change?